omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
