I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
