I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hippo gnu deer
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
