sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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