I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
