My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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