we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
