If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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