Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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