Can Purell be used as lube?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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