you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
