Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
worst night to have a conscience
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize