I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
