were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
