She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
