I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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