Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
