i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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