So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
