As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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