if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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