I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my poor anus
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
