one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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