I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have fence marks all over my body
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
