Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
