The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
