i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
