she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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