I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
