Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
