I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
