I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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