me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
