the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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