So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
