I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
