i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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