thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize