the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They took my balls.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
