If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
