We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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