They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
