you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
