if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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