And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
