Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize