It's Friday. Sex?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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