If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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