Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
