corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
