I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
