This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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