I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
