She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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