I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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