whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
