i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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