there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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