She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
