When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
