OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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