I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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