Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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