I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
