I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize