Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We are two peas in an std pod
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
