she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
