we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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