I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
