Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
