While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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