Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
