Ambien. No doubt about it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
