i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
